


a loving feeling

by notthelasttime



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Casual Sex, Denial of Feelings, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Tredd's an ass sorry, internalized... virgin... shame.....??, virginity is a social construct kids don't let anyone tell you otherwise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-06-11 01:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15304077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthelasttime/pseuds/notthelasttime
Summary: Ignis has a problem.On the surface things are good. He's going places, as everyone likes to remind him, skipping grades and on the fast track to get his degree, move on to grad school and land a prestigious job. He'd an adult. He's responsible, he's self sufficient, and finally fitting in and making friends. There's just one tiny little secret, left over from his awkward and isolated adolescence- he's still a virgin.Nyx has a reputation.He’s handsome, he’s friendly, he’s likable, and to top it off he’s a huge flirt. And if there’s any truth to the rumors then there aren’t many people around that he hasn’t charmed into bed, and not anyone he would say no to spending the night with.The solution seems simple enough.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [been listening to too much mitski](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wXZEdQ3ROQ)

The question itself was innocent enough. 

Well, perhaps _innocent_ wasn't the word, not when Gladio, laughing as he spilled some of his drink down the front of his shirt, had turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "What about you Iggy? Weirdest place you've ever had sex?" And just like that all attention was on him, four sets of eyes set on him and waiting for an answer. 

So not so much innocent as well-intentioned. Gladio wasn't trying to single him out, but rather drag him into the fun. It was the balance between them, Ignis as the voice of reason keeping Gladio in check, while Gladio made valiant efforts to open him up, and get him to socialize. He could sometimes be, as Gladio liked to remind him, a stick in the mud. 

It was a work in progress.

Ignis had come to the University a full two years younger than the rest of his freshman class, serious, anxious, and socially inept to a painful degree. He didn't know how to make friends as he'd never really had them. But Gladiolus was the first, his first real friend. And with his help Ignis had found his footing, learned how to loosen up little by little. Gladio had been kind and patient from the start, ever since he saw Ignis sitting alone in the cafeteria during orientation and came up and introduced himself. It was why they were roommates now, despite wildly different personalities. Gladio would never make fun of him, at least not beyond good natured ribbing. If it was just Gladio, it was a question he would have answered honestly, but in current company?

On the floor was Pelna (genial, likable even with his occasional snark), next to Gladio on the couch was Luche (blunt, but Ignis didn't know him well enough to know if there was kindness under the snide attitude), and in the armchair in the corner was Tredd (a complete ass).   

"I, uhhm... a closet?" Ignis blurted out, resolutely trying not to look at the closet in the corner of his eye that had given him the idea.

"That's not all that weird," Luche said, leaning back into the cushions, interest dissipating. 

"Not unless you were hiding from somebody in the room," Tredd said, waggling his eyebrows. " _Kinky_."

"No! No, there wasn't anyone else in the room," Ignis said quickly, making a face and trying not to think about what kind of hypothetical situation would result in him having secret sex in a closet while trying not to get caught. 

"Well then why the hell were you in a closet in the first place?" Luche asked, looking at him critically now, grasping at the edges of the lie.

"I... I- I'm late!" Ignis yelled, his surprise genuine when he caught the time glowing on the microwave, and he shoved the tupperware containing his dinner into his bag before making a break for the door. Maybe the rest of them had the leisure of getting drunk on a Friday afternoon, but _some_ people had jobs to keep, and if Ignis didn't run most of the way there he was going to be late for his work study shift at the library. 

At least he escaped the rest of the prodding questions that were sure to come, and with any luck they'd all drop it, or else forget the conversation even happened, lost in the fog that often coated drunken memories. 

But Ignis had never been particularly lucky, and naturally it was only a matter of time before the topic came up again. 

 

 

 

The thing that Ignis had come to learn about socialization during his years at college was that people were often quick to assume things. If you kept your mouth shut and didn't directly contradict them (not _lying_ , see?), if you gave a nod, a knowing smile, going along with what they were saying, they could be fooled into thinking you were the same. They wouldn't realize you had no idea what they were talking about from firsthand experience. They wouldn't connect the dots and realize you were a _big embarrassing virgin_.

_Ha ha, yes I too have used my penis to penetrate another person, ha ha! Yes indeed I have had my mouth on someone else's genitalia! Ha ha!_

If you kept things vague enough, no one thought to question it and they were none the wiser. Direct inquiries about experiences were the only thing you had to avoid. 

It was over a week since the closet conversation. Gladio caught up with Ignis at one of the on-campus cafes, serving students on the off hours of the cafeteria, both of them killing time between classes. Ignis was unwrapping his sandwich while staring at the violently green smoothie Gladio was sucking down, no doubt filled with kale or spinach or protein powder and all manner of things that probably added nothing in the way of flavor. Ignis was about to ask him how it tasted when the sound of chair legs dragging across the floor cut him off, and Tredd and Luche added themselves to the table.

"Afternoon gentleman," Luche said while Ignis moved his chair to make more room.

"Hey, you finish that history paper yet?" Tredd as Gladio as soon as he was sitting, using the desperate tone of someone that had put the work off until the last second and hoped they weren't the only one. 

"Nah, but I'm like, halfway done, but I'm still short on sources. I think I'm going to try and finish it up toni- uh, Tredd? You even listening?" 

".... What?" Tredd asked, somewhat belated, not even bothering to turn his head back towards Gladio. Ignis followed the line of his vision, and... _ah_. Of course. Crowe Altius was standing at the register, dressed in her usual black, skinny legs clad in fishnets and wearing the same old pair of combat boots. Tredd had never been shy about staring. 

"Gods, close your mouth at least," Gladio said, clearly fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

"What I wouldn't give for a peek under that skirt," Tredd said with a smirk, eyes following her across the room, and Gladio made a face.

"She'd smash your face in before you ever had a chance."

"Come _on_ , like you guys don't think she's hot," Tredd took on a devious look as he lowered his voice, "and I bet you she's _wild_ in bed."

"You're a complete degenerate," Luche didn't even bothering to look up while he opened a bag of chips. Tredd pretended not to hear him, and Ignis wondered why any of them even bothered to put up with him.

"She's probably real loud too. Definitely the kind of girl that'll scratch your back up."

Gladio scoffed at him, "How would you even know? I'm pretty sure the only thing you know about sex is what porn and your right hand taught you."

"You think rough sex only happens in porn? You're missing out."

"Okay, one: that's not what I said, and two: the over the top oh-gods-I'm-coming, making a big show about how good it is that I _know_ is what you're actually talking about? Those are porn star antics, as in- it only happens in porn or people imitating porn. _That's_ what I said."

It was Tredd's turn to scoff, "Sounds like you just aren't having good, _rough_ sex."

"It doesn't have to be rough to be _good_."

Tredd, deeming Gladio a lost cause, picked a different target, turning to Ignis when he saw Luche busying himself with his phone and making a point to look disinterested. 

"What about it Ignis, things are better when it's a little rough, don't you think?"

"Well there are ah... merits. To both a gentle or a more aggressive approach," Ignis said after a moment when it was clear Tredd wouldn't just let it go, hoping his face wouldn't turn bright pink and betray him, feeling like there might as well have been a giant neon sign over his head, flashing: _BIG GIGANTIC VIRGIN LIAR_. 

"See? This guy gets it," Tredd said, smacking Gladio on the shoulder as if Ignis hadn't just given the most noncommittal answer possible. "And what about Crowe?" Tredd leaned across the table, "A real back-scratcher, yeah?"

Ignis was saved the pressure of having to answer when Luche, loud and annoyed said, "Will you _please_ , stop talking."

 

 

 

Later that afternoon, Gladio and Ignis were walking together across campus. There would be some time to kill before afternoon classes, but Ignis didn't mind. He'd much rather spend the time with Gladio than have any more conversations with Tredd, no matter the topic. 

It wasn't so much that Ignis was shocked that men like Tredd existed, he wasn't so naive as to think that vulger misogyny didn't exist in college frat boys and the like, but he couldn't understand why Gladio put up with it, even why _Luche_ put up with it when the two often seemed to spend so much time together. Perhaps it was done to keep the peace, Tredd was a friend of a friend of a friend in every direction he seemed to look, perhaps those social structures and networks of acquaintances that he never could quite understand. He was about to ask Gladio about it, but a glance in his direction made Ignis tilt his head. He looked thoughtful, ruminating over something, and Ignis had the good sense to keep his mouth shut. Knowing Gladio it would be a matter of time before he found out what the issue was anyway. 

"Hey Iggy," Gladio said not three minutes later, and Ignis blinked up at him in curiosity as they continued their slow walk. "Y'know, I've been thinking... I've never really seen you date."

"Oh..." Ignis turned his face forward, not really sure where this was all coming from, or what Gladio was trying to get at.

"And I know you're crazy busy and you might not want a relationship, but you've never hooked up with anyone either."

"And...?"

"And... well, shit, I know you're shy sometimes and when we were listening to Tredd go on about Crowe I was just thinking, I don't know... like, if you ever wanted me to be your wingman for the night, it's cool. I feel like it's the kind of thing you probably wouldn't ask, or you would be worried about ditching me if we were out, so I just wanted to put it out there," Gladio finished his trailing thoughts with a shrug, and Ignis almost laughed. Of course. Of course Gladio would give him the benefit of the doubt, to the extent that he thought Ignis just wasn't hooking up with people for Gladio's sake, as if the idea of Ignis having a one night stand wasn't completely, entirely ridiculous. Oh, Ignis would laugh he wasn't careful, though maybe it was edging on the sort of hysterical desperate sort, and some part of him felt determined to stomp his foot and cross his arms and put an end to the absurd idea.

He stopped walking, Gladio watching him with confusion.

"Gladio I've never dated anyone. Ever. I'm a virgin."

".... What?"

"I said I'm a _virgin_."

He could see the wheels turning in Gladio's head now, browns drawn tight together, "Iggy you said you slept with a girl from student council in high school. You said you hooked up with a guy instead of going to prom. You said had sex in a _closet_."

Ignis groaned. Why did Gladio have to remember all that. "I lied," he snapped, embarrassed now that the truth was out, the initial euphoria of the outburst gone. "You think I could have admitted the truth in front of someone like Tredd?"

Gladio raised his hands in surrender, saying "Alright, alright," and Ignis put his head down and started walking once again. The weight off of his chest was a relief, but admitting to Gladio that he'd been full of bullshit for the last three years or so, was not. As a rule he did not like lying, even less so to someone kind and trusting like Gladio. He half expected to get reprimanded for it, but instead Gladio said, "Look, Iggy, being a virgin ain't that big of a deal."

Ignis sighed, "That's easy for you to say because you're _not_ one."

Gladio had lost his virginity at age 16, in the back of his mustang while at the drive in theater. He hadn't known what is was like to be a virgin through your late teen years and he didn't know what it was like being a virgin as an adult. It was like those well meaning people that happily told you, _being in a relationship isn't that great, don't worry about being single!_ as they continued dating and _not_ being single under any circumstances. If relationships weren't all that great then why were they constantly in them. The kindness was appreciated, but that didn't mean the words wouldn't fall flat. 

"All I'm saying is I think you're making this a bigger deal than it is. It doesn't change anything about you, right? You're still you, virgin or no, and you're not even that old. Sex is great but it's not everything." 

"I know that, I just..." Ignis groaned, looking up at the sky, "I just want to get it over and done with. No more mystery, no more lying, and I can move on with my life and stop wondering what all the fuss is about." He looked back down at his feet, still taking plodding steps forward, Gladio silent and thoughtful for a few passing moments.

"So why don't you?" 

"Why don't I what?"

"Get it over and done with. Why don't you sleep with someone? In case you haven't noticed Iggy there's no shortage of people here you could potentially bone." 

That got a laugh out of him, at least. "Gladio, I don't know if you've noticed, but talking with people I don't know isn't exactly my speciality. I wouldn't even know where to begin." 

"That's what I'm here for," Gladio said, maybe a bit too excited bout the prospect. "I said I'd be your wingman like, two minutes ago and the offer still stands, virgin or not. I'll help find you someone cute and weed out the creeps. Or if we can't find anyone you like and you wanna back out, that's cool too. Although I'm pretty fucking confident in my matchmaker skills, if I do say so myself."

"Lack of ego has certainly never been an issue for you," Ignis said, and Gladio laughed as he threw a heavy arm around Ignis's shoulders, keeping it there for the rest of the walk.

 

 

 

 **< Gladio A 3:47PM>**  
right so operation get Iggy laid. girl or guy?

Ignis snuck a look at his phone when it vibrated from where it was hidden on his lap, underneath the checkout counter. He didn't know if he should laugh or groan. As it was, he did neither, not wanting to disrupt the quiet of the library. 

 **< Ignis S 3:48PM>**  
Guy

Even with Gladio's offer, Ignis hadn't really expected anything to come of it in the long run. He should have known better. Gladio was too genuine for his own good.

And it wasn't like he was telling Gladio to stop.

The truth was he _did_ just want to get it over and done with. Ignis had never had any particularly romantic ideals about sex and virginity. He wasn't concerned about some big moment, some deep connection with another person, fireworks and what have you. He hoped it would be enjoyable, of course, hoped the person he was with found it enjoyable as well, but it was less of a monumental moment in his mind, more of a box to check off on the road to adulthood. Drivers license (check), first drink (check), having sex? Hopefully to be checked off soon, another step to leaving adolescence behind.

 **< Ignis S 3:54PM>**  
Don't think you have to spend your free time hunting someone down for me. I appreciate the help and the effort, but this is not something terribly important.

What kind of person would it be? What kind of person did he want? Mostly if he thought about it too much, there was nothing but a soft blur in the shape of a man, details always alluding him. It was frustrating, how much he didn't even know what he wanted.

 **< Gladio A 4:02PM>**  
stop stressing. we just gotta wait for the right opportunity and we'll find the right guy. trust me.

 

 

It turned out the _right opportunity_  was quick to present itself.

On Thursday afternoon Gladio came back to the apartment to find Ignis spread out on the couch, papers, text books, and his laptop covering the coffee table in front of him, plodding his way through the assignments of the week. But it would be the weekend soon, which inevitably meant forced relaxation for at least a night, and as Gladio dropped his bag and flopped down next to Ignis, it seemed he already had something in mind. 

"You got plans for Saturday night yet?" Gladio asked, and Ignis shook his head. "Noctis is having people over, if you're interested in going. Low key, just a small group from what he said. You're cool with Noct, right? And his roommate, Nyx..." Gladio trailed off, a suspicious smile curling at the edges of his mouth, the tone of his voice changing, "... his roommate, Nyx Ulric."

"Yes?" Ignis was liking the look on Gladio's face less and less.

"Oh Iggy, I've been going about this all wrong."

"You're making me nervous."

"Nyx is your guy Iggy!" Gladio said, grabbing Ignis by the shoulders like he could shake the truth into him, looking a bit too excited about the prospect. "I kept trying to think of someone like this was going to be a date, y'know? I kept looking for someone that was too much like you, but Nyx is _perfect_."

"He is?"

"Hell yes he is! You remember meeting him, right?"

Ignis felt his mouth go dry. Two years prior, Ignis was at a frat party.

So many people, people he didn't know, and the place felt claustrophobic, loud music having the effect of cotton in his ears, like all of his senses were dulled. Someone was doing a keg stand while everyone around them cheered, chugging beer and talking in the too-loud slurred voices of the drunk. It was a lot to take in.

Gladio had brought him, like Gladio had brought him to every other party they'd been too, but those were different. Smaller groups of people, people he was getting to know and like and feel comfortable around, and not quite so aggressively dead set on giving themselves alcohol poisoning. Ignis was learning things about himself, such as; parties, depending on the company, weren't so bad. Such as; drinking with friends could sometimes be fun. Hangovers were not. Such as; he hated frat parties. He was trying to find Gladio, maybe make some excuse about how he had a headache, his great aunt died, he broke his toe, something came up and he really ought to leave right now immediately. Lunafreya spotted him instead.

"Ignis!" Her voice cut through the music, catching Ignis's attention as he was walking past where she was standing along the wall, her smile wide and face flushed, hair just a little mussed. Drunk, no doubt. He liked Luna quite a bit, truth be told. She'd never struck him as someone irresponsible, which was why it was a little surprising to see, as she beckoned him over, how a man was draped over her, arm looped around low on her waist, how he was pressed into her side, occasionally bending down to suck on the side of her neck or else whisper things in her ear. 

"Hello Luna," he'd said, feeling awkward, but her company was preferable to wandering the party alone, even if that included a strange man doing his best to cover her in hickies.

"I'm happy to see you out for once, I didn't think these parties would be your kind of thing," she said, and then erupted into laughter as the man at her side leaned in deeper, nearly toppling the both of them.

"Cut it out," she said, giggling and smacking her companion on the chest before turning back to Ignis. "Sorry, this scoundrel without manners is Nyx. Nyx, this is my friend Ignis." 

Like coming up for air, Nyx raised his head at looked at Ignis with a roguish half-grin. Nyx was all long hair and the scruff of a beard, self assured in his own good looks, no doubt, carrying with him the bit of the dangerous edge of a troublemaker, knowingly showing off a type of bad boy charm. With bedroom eyes he looked Ignis up and down, a deliberate assessment.

"Ignis, huh? Nice to meet you," he said in a voice just shy of a rasp, and then Nyx bit his bottom lip.

Apparently Ignis shared the same taste in men as Lunafreya. 

Gladio chose that moment to appear, resting a hand on Ignis's shoulder to announce his presence, and when he said hello to Nyx it was a familiar greeting of people long since acquainted. 

"Hey Iggy," Gladio said, not long after, "I'm kinda tired, you care if we head out early?" And that was why they were friends. Gladio, picking up on his discomfort, letting him save face, coming up with an excuse in his stead. Ignis was grateful, but...

He looked back at Nyx, Luna once again fully consuming his attention.

They left the party. 

Two years later, Ignis thought back on the memory, ears ringing with white noise.

"I can't sleep with Nyx Ulric," Ignis said, feeling panicky. 

"Ignis, look, he'll be just what you need. You want to get laid, right? It's your first time- you need someone that knows what they're doing, you need someone with _experience_. You need someone that'll be cool with a hookup, can show you a good time, and not get bogged down by feelings or expect a relationship or something."

Gladio did make a good point, much as Ignis was loath to admit it.

"Why not just talk to him at the party? See how you like him, and then... if you do, maybe see if he's down for it. Which, judging by his reputation I can pretty much guarantee you he will be." 

After a moment's thought, Ignis nodded, though maybe more so to get Gladio to let go of him. There was truth to his words, from what Ignis could tell, but that didn't stop a growing nervousness building in his stomach. He wanted to see this through. He didn't want to get stuck carrying his V card until past 30, he didn't want to keep lying about how inexperienced he was, but Nyx Ulric?

What the hell had he gotten himself in to.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Ignis stood fiddling with the hem of his shirt, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Booze and nerves could be a dangerous combination for the socially anxious, and the last thing he wanted was to embarrass himself by overindulging. But the need for liquid courage was tempting.

Noctis Caelum was the son of one of Insomnia's most important business moguls and Gladio's long time childhood friend. His status would have been intimidating, except that Noct was nothing like Ignis had imagined, all lazy smiles and a perpetually laid back attitude, usually looking like he'd just woken up from a nap. Ignis liked him (even if Noct kept calling him _Specs,_  to the point that the nickname had started to stick), though busy schedules and their mutual tendency to both lean towards reclusiveness unless prodded otherwise meant they didn't always see each other. The party was a welcome chance to meet up, never mind Ignis’s… alternative reasons for going.

Maybe Noctis didn't act like the wealthy son of such an influential family, but he certainly benefited from the perks. Unlike the rest of the student housing and cheap on-campus apartments, all beat to shit and furnished with anything inexpensive and temporary, Noct lived in a nearby townhouse, bought by his father. Close enough to the University to be convenient, far enough away to not reek of college town aesthetics, it was nicer than anyone else’s place that Ignis had seen, 3 stories of narrow rooms and wood floors, and filled with furniture that wouldn’t break by the end of the year. Even the glassware, a matching set, lined up on the table where Noctis was currently playing bartender, making Ignis a drink. Back at their apartment, Ignis usually wound up drinking wine out of a mug.

"The hell are you doing? Haven't you ever made a drink before?" Libertus hovered over Noct's shoulder, looking at him with mild disbelief.

"What?"

" _What?_ You're not supposed to put the mixer in _first!_ "

"Be nice, it's his house." Prompto sat at the far end of the table, grinning as he spoke and sucking down some mystery drink made with electric blue liquor- a drink Ignis had decided to take a pass on himself. Prompto was a new acquaintance, a friend of Noct's that he hadn't met before, but so far everyone else that had shown up Ignis at least knew as friends of friends, though it was quickly becoming clear that he and Gladio had varying definitions of _small get together_. 

"Why should I care whose house it is if he's going to fuck up everybody's drink?" 

" _Respect_ man, respect the household."

"You plan on _respecting the household_ and paying rent any time soon?" Ignis's head snapped to the other side of the kitchen at the sound of his voice and watched as Nyx made his first appearance of the night, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a faded Nirvana t-shirt. Noctis chose the perfect moment to pass him his drink, and Ignis immediately took a large sip. He could feel Gladio's eyes on him.

"Dude, come on! I'm only sleeping on your couch."

"You've _been_ sleeping on our couch for three months," Nyx said, pausing to say hello to Libertus and opting to grab himself a glass instead of entrusting the job to Noct. 

"Don't worry about it Prom," Noct said, waving Nyx off while Prompto sputtered excuses, pointedly ignoring the looks of exasperation shot his way from Nyx. The doorbell interrupted them before any bickering could continue, and Nyx took it upon himself to answer it and leaving the room once again. Ignis felt a nudge against his arm soon after, and Gladio leaned in conspiratorially to say, "C'mon Iggy, relax."

Right. Relax.

It had been a struggle in the hours leading up to the party trying to keep himself _relaxed_ , first attempting to keep his mind occupied on schoolwork, then trying to come up with some sort of plan to execute this harebrained scheme of theirs.

_But what should I say to him? How am I supposed to bring it up? What if we don’t even get a chance to talk? What am I supposed to wear?_

_Ignis,_ _relax,_  Gladio told him again, as if it were that easy to just _make_ himself relax, _he's really not gonna care what you're wearing, and you don't have to do anything tonight. You don't even know if you like him enough to sleep with him._

Except _like_ wasn’t going to be the problem. Ignis could definitively say that he _liked_ Nyx, as in- liked in the way of being attracted to him. And unless he was some kind of truly terribly human being (doubtful, considering the company he kept), he was more than likable enough to suit Ignis's tastes for a hookup, a truth that he had known about himself from the start. They didn’t have to be best friends to have sex. In fact, Ignis thought it might be better that they didn't know each other that well, that there was no friendship to sour, a close relationship to ruin, or someone he'd been lying to and he'd have to fess up about his exaggerated tales of sexual escapades before having a chance to take his pants off. And judging by Nyx’s reputation there was hardly a doubt that he felt the same, and wouldn't mind casual sex with someone he wasn't particularly close with.

It was getting from point A to point B that was the problem, from vague acquaintances to together in bed. Ignis couldn't seem to wrap his head around how people actually did things like this all the time, going home with strangers from parties and bars for a night of fun. He wished he had some of their courage. He wished people didn't make him so nervous. 

Nyx reappeared with Crowe and Lunafreya in tow, a pair of opposites, fair and dark. Luna looking pretty and put together as always, bright smiles as she said hello, and Crowe in ripped jeans and hands shoved deep in her pockets, looking a bit surly, but pretty all the same. Ignis couldn't help but notice the slightly awkward, but eager way that Noct went out of his way to say hello to Luna, only to be shoved aside as Libertus came over to give her a hug.  

Prompto, surveying the room (and probably hoping to distract Nyx from starting in on him about rent again) asked, "So, you guys want to watch a movie?" 

Over an hour later found most of the party guests piled in to the living room and carrying on various conversations while some awful B-horror movie called _Dawn of the Daemons_ played on Noct's massive TV, though most everyone had stopped paying attention, talking and laughing and drinking, or else having wandered out into the other rooms. Even with Prompto's suggested drinking game sure to get everyone plastered- _drink any time someone dies_. 

The doorbell had run twice more since Crowe and Luna had arrived, though even with the amount of people present, the evening had remained mostly low key and relaxed. It had turned out that all of Ignis's planning and panicking had been for nothing. 

He'd barely even seen Nyx the whole night, let alone had the chance to talk to him. He felt a bit dejected, looking around the room again and noticing he wasn't there. But they weren't _friends_. Even if Nyx had stuck around to watch the movie, Ignis still didn't even know what he would say. Making some obvious and awkward approach, heavy-handed small talk that he had never been particularly good at, it might have all hurt his cause more than helped it.

And now he was feeling lightheaded and a little uncomfortable, not quite drunk but the room felt too warm, on the dangerous verge instead of being drunk and happy to being almost-drunk and dehydrated and ready to go home. After watching another no-name actor get decapitated by an Iron Giant, Ignis set his half empty glass on the coffee table and stood up.

"What's up?" Gladio asked, looking over from where he was sitting next to Crowe, and Ignis noticed how he had casually managed to drape his arm around the back of the couch behind her. It was a good thing Tredd wasn't here tonight.

"I think I need some air," he said, then seeing concern on Gladio's face, he added, "it's a little too warm in here."

"There are chairs out on the deck, I think Libertus was out there earlier," Noct said, and Ignis gave him a nod before heading out of the room, taking Noct's advice and turning for the back of the house. He passed the kitchen on the way, spotting Pelna sitting on the counter laughing while Libertus chugged a can of beer, bacon cooking in the pan in front of him. Pelna gave him a wave as he walked by, and Ignis returned it. 

He fumbled with the lock on the sliding door, feeling more and more overheated than inebriated as he tried to get out to the low wooden deck outside in the narrow lawn. The latch came free and he stepped outside into cool, damp air and- _ah_. 

Nyx sat as the edge of the low deck, back to the door, but his head turned out his shoulder having heard the door open, looking to see who had disturbed the peace in the dark and quiet outdoors. 

"Oh, hey Ignis," he said, and tipped a half-empty bottle of Jack in Ignis's direction before taking a swig. He seemed to notice Ignis's hesitation, caught between the fresh air but not wanting to intrude, and so Nyx pat the empty space next to him, gesturing for Ignis to come take a seat. Hesitating only slightly, he took a deep breath and walked forward, careful to leave a little bubble of space between himself and Nyx as he sat down. 

"How you been?" Nyx asked him, offering the bottle of Jack, and again Ignis hesitated slightly before giving in, doing his best not to start coughing after taking a tiny sip. Choking on whisky hardly seemed like the best way to impress. "It's been a while since I've seen you around."

This was why Nyx was dangerous. 

The casual way he could make conversation, warm, welcoming, like they were close and not two people that barely knew each other. The fact that even though they weren't friends, or even really acquaintances, Nyx paid enough attention to know when they had or hadn't seen each other. Of course that frat party years ago hadn't been their only interaction. Thanks to Gladio, Ignis often found himself around and with groups of various people, standing on the edges of conversations or finding himself eating with a group of people he barely knew. So yes, he'd seen Nyx around, knew him through Gladio, and Noct, and everyone else he crossed paths with, but they hadn't ever really _spoken_. 

"I'm alright," he said, glancing over in Nyx's direction, before looking back at the house. "Not enjoying yourself in there?" It felt like a risky question to ask, but coming across a man drinking alone didn't exactly paint the most poetic picture. 

Nyx had enough humor to smile though, and he said, "Just been a long week, that's all. Sometimes it just gets to be a lot with that many people around, you know?"

He did know, in fact, and Ignis nodded in understanding, watching Nyx take another drink from the corner of his eye. They sat together in the dark, conversation dying and Ignis felt the sweat drying at his temples and under his arms as he started to cool off, smelling dampness in the air.

What could he say? In their comfortable silence, he didn't want to break the odd camaraderie between them, both sneaking away from the rest of the party. He was struck again how handsome Nyx was, and that rough sound of his voice. This close he could see the small tattoos that marked his face, common among the students from Galahad. He wanted to ask what they meant. Again he thought of Gladio telling him to just talk to Nyx, just see if he liked him. They didn't have to _do_ anything- Nyx didn't have to _know_ what he'd been thinking about. Ignis didn't even know what year he was or what he was majoring in. He looked older than the rest of them. He wondered if Nyx was getting his masters. He wondered Nyx had grown up in Insomnia, or if he'd just come here to go to school. If he'd move back to Galahad again some day. Get to know him, right? 

Instead, Ignis said: "Would you sleep with me?" 

The mortification at having just blurted the damn words out was sudden and nearly paralyzing, an adrenaline rush of excuses and explanations running through his head, all followed by another thought- what if Nyx said _yes?_ There formed a picture in his mind of the two of them sneaking upstairs to Nyx's room, secretly having sex while everyone else was downstairs and somehow that made him feel even worse, and unpleasant discomfort settling in his stomach at the thought, though he wasn't sure why. But his panic was cut short when Nyx's response was to laugh.

"Sure," he said, "you're cute." And then Nyx took another drink from the bottle and continued staring out into the dark distance, and instead Ignis was filled with a sort of offended indigence; Nyx hadn't thought he was being serious. 

"It was an ernest question," Ignis said, slightly huffy, and he snatched the bottle back out of Nyx's hand, aware that he was now being stared at.

"You- are you drunk?"

"Not any more than you," he snapped with a bit more venom than intended, and then he sighed. "Nevermind. Just forget I said anything." He could still feel Nyx's eyes, and after too much silence, he looked back over at Nyx, wearing a curious expression. From here the porch light was hitting half his face, bright enough to wash it out while the other half was covered in shadow. The light cut through his eye, making the iris iridescent, a pale transparent blue like glass. 

"Sorry, you just caught me off guard. Most people don't come right out and say it." Nyx must have seen the uncertainty and self consciousness still on Ignis's face because he said, "You get points for boldness. And I wasn't lying about you being cute." He leaned in closer, and Ignis couldn't stop staring at that pale blue eye. 

"We could have some fun," he said, voice low and a little mischievous smile on his face and then he leaned in for a kiss. 

Nyx kissed with a casual ease, someone that knew what they were doing because they'd done it a hundred times before, mouth opening as he tilted his head. Kisses at parties with people he knew or people he didn't, drunk kisses or sober kisses, just another kiss for him and Ignis felt his tongue. 

But Ignis didn't have that. He let himself fall into it, uncertain while blood rushed to his face and in his ears, barely aware of his own movements. He felt like he should do something with his hands. They were still just sitting stupidly in his lap, and he had a sudden image of himself like a gaping fish, awkwardly sucking at Nyx and not knowing if what he was doing what right or wrong so he did nothing. Nyx's mouth just seemed so... wet. His heart was beating fast. Not just another kiss. His one kiss. His only kiss.

Nyx pulled back, the tug of a frown at his mouth and a crease between his eyes and he asked, "... Ignis, was that your first kiss?"

Ignis snapped his mouth closed hard enough to make his teeth click and he turned his head straight forward, not wanting to look Nyx in the eye. If his face hadn't already been flushed enough from the kiss, then it would only be worse now.

His first instinct, of course, was to lie. Just like every other time, _oh don't you know Nyx, I fucked somebody in a closet, I lost my virginity in high school, you don't think I've had my first kiss? Don't be ridiculous!_ But it was a little bit harder to lie when someone else had something like proof. Denying it would just make him look worse.

So instead of replying, he snatched at the bottle again for another drink. He wouldn't admit it, even if it was true. But his silence probably told the truth all the same. 

"Hey, listen-"

" _Nyx!"_

They both jumped, but if Crowe had realized she was interrupting anything she didn't show it, yelling at them for the doorway and light spilling out behind her. "Get your ass back inside, I've been looking for you all night."

 

"Yeah, alright, one sec," Nyx said, torn between looking at Crowe and looking at Ignis, who was still resolutely trying to pretend their conversation hadn't happened, but as she disappeared back into the house, Nyx hesitated. Ignis half hoped he would just leave. If it was pity or concern that Nyx had to offer him, he didn't want it. That wasn't what he'd come here for.

"We'll talk later, okay?" Nyx said, sounding like he didn't really want to talk later, and with any luck maybe he'd just drop the whole thing. Ignis gave a nod, still staring forward, and then Nyx was leaving and Ignis was alone again.

Alone with the bottle of Jack, at least. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this out months ago but this chapter?? this chapter was a Nightmare that refused to come together. in the interest of getting it posted sooner rather than later it is a little shorter than I wanted but at this point i don't care, it's done. even if i'm not crazy about the result /it's done/
> 
>  
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @[notthelasttime](https://notthelasttime.tumblr.com/)
> 
> i've also been 1) fumbling my way through pillowfort [here](https://pillowfort.io/notthelasttime) and 2) made a community for ffxv fic (both writers and readers!) [here](https://pillowfort.io/community/ffxv-fic)


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